Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
