I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
did i walk over a car last night?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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