remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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