I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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