yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
