Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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