I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
