Do you still have your period?
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
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