you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
