I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
