Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
