I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
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