My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
