ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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