dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize
