Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
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