Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
