I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
