I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
