the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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