I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
