sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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