im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I checked into jail on foursquare
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
