you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize
