I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Randomize
