I faked an abortion last night.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
