grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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