The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
