I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize