I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
