Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize