I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
