i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
