she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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