currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
