Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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