There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
