Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
