I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
barbara walters just said penis...
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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