so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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