I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Randomize
