in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
birth control should be required to get into college
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
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