i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Randomize
