he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
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