Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I think your dad took our porno
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
