I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
