she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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