why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
