Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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