do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
