i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
