Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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