moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
