just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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