I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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