I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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