WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize