About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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