All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
