I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
