Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
