these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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