Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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