I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
