We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
