hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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