they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
