so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
