She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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