so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize